Flyby

This year is moving too fast for me. It's already May and it seems like I've barely dented my "to-do" list. I don't feel guilty about it. I just feel like there are so many things undone just hanging above my head.

I've realized that my day is just too full. On most days, I don't sit down to just rest or relax until 10 pm. I'm literally going all day...kids to school, physical therapy, work outs, cooking, cleaning, managing home, managing and work from my business. Lately it feel like I get to start things but never really complete the task. I'll do the laundry and the clean clothes sit in the laundry basket for days. I'll start a declutter project and the remnants are sitting in piles. Don't even get me started on the unread mail, the emails I need to answer, returning phone call, paying bills...ugh! I never seem to get to the little things like signing up the boys for sports and music, marketing my business to more clients and the scrapbooking materials that have been sitting there untouched. No wonder I'm spent at the end of the day and no wonder I'm tired. I think my soul is tired.

That coupled with the stress of the Dish being unemployed...again. Seriously, the union jobs are just not cutting it anymore. For the past 6 years, it's like a part time job. The Dish has been applying everywhere and is even shifting careers now that he has his degree in Criminal Justice. BUT these are hard times and finding a job is very hard.

I try not to stress reminding myself that I'm still working with contracts that afford me a monthly check. I try to remember that we do have savings to fall back on. But how could I not be scared for the future? Most people are and it's contagious. However, we can't make decisions based on fear.

I know I just need to slow down and make more time for myself even if something gets undone. I recently dusted off my books from Marianne Williamson. I love her! She is spiritual versus religious and has an amazing guidance to find calm in this crazy world we live in. I started following her on Twitter and her messages are just what I need to hear right now.

Here are some from today:

Happiness lies in being involved in a process larger than yourself. It's like an umbrella made of anti-gravity, drawing your emotions upward.

When you deflect your good, the universe holds it in trust for you until you are ready to receive it. You only pushed "pause;" start again.

Since you were born with infinite potential, then no matter what you have achieved you've only scratched the surface of your innate ability.

I'm going to make some iced green tea and take a few moments to sit and do nothing....if I still remember how.

Underground Medicine

My hubby, the Dish, was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) in May 1999. I remember the month because it was a few weeks before our wedding. The Dish was having really bad vertigo and other symptoms like twitching, numbness and tingling in his fingers and legs for about a week. After a few trips to the doctor, an MRI confirmed that he had spots (plaque) on his brain. The neurologist came in the exam room and coldly said, "you have MS, start taking this injection once a week and just live your life." While I'm sure there is no easy way for any doctor to deliver bad news, I found it cold. We were both in shock with visions of wheelchairs in our heads. He told me that if I wanted to back out of the wedding, he would understand. I punched him in the arm.

The medication, Avonex, is a weekly injection that is supposed to slow down the progression of the MS. It seemed easy enough but side effects are horrible. It's like having the flu...shakes, muscle aches, fatigue...just feeling like shit. And he would feel like shit for three days a week. He would take it in Friday night so he wouldn't miss work and suffer all weekend. The symptoms were supposed to get better over time but they barely did. It sucked. We (I) fired three neurologist just because they were big jerks and were closed-minded on exploring complementary treatments like nutrition and acupuncture. I finally found one willing to listen...even though the Dish still had to take the Avonex. The Dish had a few relapses...steroid treatments and more meds.

Fast forward to 2004 when we moved to the suburbs and one day my husband forgot to refill his medication and sort of forgot to refill it for 4 years....he just stopped taking it. He actually felt better and not one relapse. It had been a while since he had a physical so I found a primary doctor for him and he got check-up. His new doctor urged him to connect with a neurologist because of the MS so we found one and the first thing the doc asked was why the Dish was not on any meds for the MS. He had another MRI which showed a few new spots which is a panic that it's getting worse. So they put him back on the Avonex and he returned to suffering on the weekends.

Anyone who knows me, knows my interest and fascination with integrative medicine...holistic, natural, contemporary...you name it. I do believe that the body had the ability to heal itself if given the chance and some assistance. I have little trust in modern medicine...some, not all. There are some great medical advanced today BUT we still have more cancer and heart disease and auto immune disease in this country than in any other nation.

While perusing through Dr. Mercola's website, I can across this article about LDN or low dose naltrexone therapy. I also went to www.lowdosenaltrexone.org and was fascinated by this treatment for MS, HIV, cancer and other autoimmune diseases. It seemed too good to be true. I actually just bookmarked the page and went on with life as usual.

Then one weekend I noticed that the Dish was having a bad weekend with the shot and he looked so miserable and then I remembered the LDN and started reading everything I could...websites, message boards of people with MS, Lyme and other illnesses doing very well on LDN and very little side effects.

And wouldn't you know, there is a doctor in my area that works with MS patients with LDN! We had our first appointment with him today and what a great doctor. Some people might be taken aback by his comical nature and the fact that his dog roams around the office but we didn't. This doctor was human, he cared, he listened, he understood and he asked that we trust him and trust LDN. He actually hugged us when we left.

As explained on the website, when you take LDN at bedtime -- which blocks your opioid receptors for a few hours in the middle of the night -- it is believed to up-regulate vital elements of your immune system by increasing your body’s production of metenkephalin and endorphins (your natural opioids), hence improving immune function.

The doctor says it might not work for everyone but most of his MS patients are doing well with no symptoms, no relapses and improved energy, mobility and health. (I'll talk about why more doctors are NOT jumping to this therapy at another post)

We will get the prescription by mail through a compounding pharmacy and he will start it right away...no more Avonex. He'll see this new doctor in a month for a follow-up. From all that I've read, I am excited for him and for us. I think it will be good.