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This year is moving too fast for me. It's already May and it seems like I've barely dented my "to-do" list. I don't feel guilty about it. I just feel like there are so many things undone just hanging above my head.

I've realized that my day is just too full. On most days, I don't sit down to just rest or relax until 10 pm. I'm literally going all day...kids to school, physical therapy, work outs, cooking, cleaning, managing home, managing and work from my business. Lately it feel like I get to start things but never really complete the task. I'll do the laundry and the clean clothes sit in the laundry basket for days. I'll start a declutter project and the remnants are sitting in piles. Don't even get me started on the unread mail, the emails I need to answer, returning phone call, paying bills...ugh! I never seem to get to the little things like signing up the boys for sports and music, marketing my business to more clients and the scrapbooking materials that have been sitting there untouched. No wonder I'm spent at the end of the day and no wonder I'm tired. I think my soul is tired.

That coupled with the stress of the Dish being unemployed...again. Seriously, the union jobs are just not cutting it anymore. For the past 6 years, it's like a part time job. The Dish has been applying everywhere and is even shifting careers now that he has his degree in Criminal Justice. BUT these are hard times and finding a job is very hard.

I try not to stress reminding myself that I'm still working with contracts that afford me a monthly check. I try to remember that we do have savings to fall back on. But how could I not be scared for the future? Most people are and it's contagious. However, we can't make decisions based on fear.

I know I just need to slow down and make more time for myself even if something gets undone. I recently dusted off my books from Marianne Williamson. I love her! She is spiritual versus religious and has an amazing guidance to find calm in this crazy world we live in. I started following her on Twitter and her messages are just what I need to hear right now.

Here are some from today:

Happiness lies in being involved in a process larger than yourself. It's like an umbrella made of anti-gravity, drawing your emotions upward.

When you deflect your good, the universe holds it in trust for you until you are ready to receive it. You only pushed "pause;" start again.

Since you were born with infinite potential, then no matter what you have achieved you've only scratched the surface of your innate ability.

I'm going to make some iced green tea and take a few moments to sit and do nothing....if I still remember how.

Keeping my head up

I just realized that I had not posted anything in quite some time. Just busy really. I wish I had more time to blog. I do enjoy writing and reading other blogs. I usually have at least one topic per day that I plan to write about and then "poof"...the day escapes me.

While I am truly blessed to work form home and be home with my kiddies but there is a big price I pay for this luxury. I have to work in the evening. I am usually (always!) spent from running the house and taking care of the kiddies. The Dish usually takes over after dinner where I move to a quiet location to turn on my brilliance. Some days it just does not happen so then I fall behind on my work and thus add to my stress.

Stress
Stress
Stress

The Dish is out of work again. I truly turn into a worry wart when he gets laid off. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. And I should know that somehow and some way, we always make it through. Still with the tough economy, one cannot help but worry.

I finished one month of physical therapy. Even though I went for left knee pain, it ended up being my left hip as well. I was "out of alignment"...as if I didn't already know that I am "out of balance"...literally! I've been going to physical therapy three times a week and the first few weeks I was lots of pain in my lower back and down the back of my leg. My workouts have been restricted to light cardio and light weights which does not make me happy. I am not good at baby steps.

But I am making progress and now we are working on my knee and I have been able to mini squats and lunges with little or no pain. The therapists are suggesting one more month of three times a week but I'm going to have to cut it back to two times a week and get stuff to do at home. I feel like I am so behind with everything. The house, my work, paperwork.....ugh!

It will get done and I'm trying not to let it kill me.

New Things on the Horizon

A package was delivered by the mailman today...it's the Dish's new meds. He'll start LDN tonight! The only side effect that he may encounter the first week is vivid dreams or nightmares. Today may be the start of good things for him. I'm tweaking his diet just a bit. The doctor recommends the SWANK diet which is an MS diet. Basically a diet low in saturated fat and red meat...high in veggies, fruit, lean protein and whole grains and good fats...olive oil, nuts, etc. I'm really hoping that the doctor can convince him to start getting some exercise. Because he has such a physical job, he's too tired to workout when he gets home BUT that doesn't mean he doesn't need it. Now that the weather is getting warmer, I know I can get him to at least take a bike ride with me!

This morning I interviewed a personal trainer! I've NEVER trained with a trainer before. I intended to interview a few trainers but I really liked her and she has such similar health views as me such as nutrition, weight training and yoga. PLUS she is funny and we were already laughing and joking around BUT she knew how to get us back on focus too!

I, of course, went back and forth in my head as to whether I should even spend money on this as with the way the economy is going, I feel the need to be frugal. But then I thought, this is an investment in myself. I NEED to lose more weight and I am stuck. I'm only going to train with her twice a week for a month and then assess it from there...both financially and how I progress.

I've been doing the fitness thing for so long by myself and the trainer was very impressed by how much I know, what I eat, how I workout, etc. I just need some fine tuning and to kick it up a BIG notch. I'm sure I have not pushed myself to the limits. Sure, I made great progress with lifting weights and I workout to a good sweat and feel like I've done something. But to really push it...I really don't know how to do that. So what better way than to try out a trainer? At the very least, I want her to check out my form...why lift if I'm not doing it correctly? She is also going to make cardio fun! huh? Plyometrics, kick boxing, circuits...oh my!

I start this Thursday!

Other good news, with the Recovery package, I am being swarmed with consulting requests! Wow! That's a good thing...I'm going to need the work to afford the training. Seriously, I feel very blessed.

Vacation is all I ever wanted....

I'm getting ready to book a vacation! Both of my sons have spring break together at the end of March and I thought it would be a good time to take a vacation. We wanted to go to Puerto Rico to visit my father-in-law but the airfare is so expensive and even with the cheaper fares (under $400), it's about a 8 - 10 hour trip with at least one stop and layover. With two young boys, I don't think so.

We got a super deal from a friend in the travel industry for Mexico...one-week, air, hotel and all-inclusive...all meals and drinks for a super price. I was trying to avoid places where we would be subjected to college spring-breakers. No offense...I hope they all have a wonderful time but I have also witnessed less than decent behavior that I do not wish to subject my family to. So we are going to Huatulco...a quiet, eco-friendly beach resort town south of Acapulco. I've always wanted to go there! We leave in less than four weeks!

Of course, the next four weeks is saturated with work obligations. I just met with a new client this morning and I have a HUGE grant due in two weeks! It's a government grant which are beasts to prepare. The writing is the easy part....it's all of the the budgets, addendums and certifications you have to attach with it. It can make you crazy. I have a love-dread affection for my work in this arena. While I love the challenge of tackling a detailed proposal..some of the content can cause pure anxiety. BUT this is the nature of this field and I am good at what I do. The best part is that after two weeks, it's done, I get paid and I get a break.....this time a vacation!

Right now I am going to sit down and write a work plan for the project. I do much better with a plan. Included in the plan is also my family and personal stuff that will also demand my attention and last but not least, getting in those workouts and my nutrition.

Not only will I need that for my health, sanity and well being...I have to look hot for vacation! LOL!

It happens everytime

I'm throwing myself a little birthday party this Saturday with a Mardi Gras theme. Of course, I also have a big client report due by next week.

I was up to 1:00 am working last night and here I sit trying to do some data entry and I can hardly keep awake.

I HAVE to do a little bit more!